Criticism is a fact of life. It is unavoidable. Criticism is also the most misunderstood concept. People think that to criticize means to point out the defects, deficiencis and negativity.
As Google says, Criticism is defined as the part of evaluating or analyzing with knowledge and propriety. Many of the people in our lives who criticize us do so without full knowledge and it is often delivered in an improper manner.
Criticism is an indispensable part of our lives. If we can understood and use it, criticism can empower us to become better people.
One of the reasons why we tend to resist criticism is that a good part of our self-image is based on how others view us. When we find out that someone see us in a less than positive light. We feel devastated “The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, be nothing”. “What will other people think?” is our important concern.
Our ability to handle criticism is often related to our level of self-confidence.
Beliefs about Criticism:
If you belive that all criticism is negative and means that you are a failure, then the outcome for you of being criticized will be a rejection of yourself and your ability, which may result in an ability to move forward, change, grow and develop. Infact, you may stagnate never breaking down the walls with wich you have protectively surrounded yourself.
Read more: Ten Commandments for Managing Stress
If on the other hand, you accept and welcome criticism as a vehicle for learing. Then the outcome of criticism will be much less stressful, for you are free to accept or reject it.
An irony of criticism is that the more you resist it the more it becomes a problem. The more accepting you are towards criticism and it’s inevitability, the better you can use criticism to your advantage.
We cannot control others criticizing us. However we can control what we say to ourselves while being criticized by others.
What is important is not what people say about us but what is the impact of criticism on us. What happens to us because of criticism.
Criticism is not an evaluationand rejection of myself. It is what is said about me. “Self-Table” is the stream of conscious thoughts (beliefs) that reflect our attitude towards events in our lives.
Read more: Overcome Depression and regain a positive outlook
Positive self-talk helps us to overcome criticism.
Negative self-talk can contribute to our feeling of being overwhelmed and defeated by those who criticize us. If we allow someone else to determine how we feel about ourselves we give him or her the power to control our reaction to criticism. We must realize that criticism is neither in itself negative or positive unless we attribute meaning to it. We do possess complete control over the meaning we attribute to criticism and how will respond to it.
Handling criticism
A=Activating event or situation
B=Belief about that event
C=Consequence/outcome
None can make your inferior without consent
If we can change our beliefs we can change him, we perceive criticism.
Coping with Criticism:
Very few people are truly invulnerable to criticism and most of us would admit to one of the following:
Avoiding criticism – through passive or ingratiating behaviour. Sometimes it is politic to keep quiet or to stay in people’s good books but an over-reliance on this kind of behaviour not only leads to boredom but attracts criticism behind people’s backs or s stupefying atmosphere between them. It is not uncommon for unassertive people to complain ‘I just don’t know what I am doing wrong’.
Taking unfair criticism to hear – if your self-confidence is a little rocky it is very easy to absorb unfair criticism and act on it even though you may secretly disagree with your critic. Such behaviour leads to further damage to our self-confidence and a build-up of hidden anger and resentment.
Reacting aggressively to criticism – we are often tempted when receiving criticism to immediately retaliate with counter attack. This kind of reaction can, and usually does, just develop’s into a destructive slinging match and is certainly not the most effective way of resolving differences, though it can be a very useful way of letting off steam within a secure personal relationship. Sometimes the damage done by these kinds of exchanges can be devastating and irreparable. On reflection we might say…’I don’t know why I said that to him, because I didn’t really mean it…’The most likely reason for saying ‘things’ we do not mean is that we are feeling threatened, usually as a result of direct or indirect criticism.
Conclusion:
“Assertive people are not frightened of criticism because they are well prepared for it and know that it can be useful to all parties concerned”.
