We all have to deal with conflicts whether we like it or not. Conflict is part of life. Google says the very word conjures up negative images of stressful and unpleasant experiences from the past.
Coping with Conflict:
Conflict is a part of everyday living. Since all people are different , conflicts will occur. All conflicts, however, cannot be resolved. Therefore, it is important to teach students to manage conflicts. This means working toward a resolution but also accepting that all conflicts cannot and will not be resolved through any effort. Thus, it is important to teach students that while conflicts cannot be resolved that they can be peacefully managed.
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Read any newspaper or listen to any news show and chances are you will read or hear of some incidents of violence. Conflicts do not produce Violence. Inappropriate ways that people choose to handle conflicts can lead to violence. Children do not inherently know how to manage conflicts. Children tend to be egocentric and this complicates how they perceive conflicts, they must be taught how to do this and then be allowed the opportunity to practise what they have learned so that appropriate conflict management becomes a part of who they are.
Timely Tools:
The below tools may help to solve or manage conflict. Most jobs require more than one tool. Conflicts also require more than one skill or “tool” in order to be managed peacefully. Some conflicts are diffused by simply getting the facts or sending an “I” message. Others are not. In this case, TIMELY TOOLS may be needed.
Postpone: A person may choose to put off working on the conflict especially if one or both persons is angry or tired.
Avoid: There are situations and/or people who can and should be avoided.
Ignore: A person may choose not to get involved or not to let something become a conflict for him/her. This can prevent a conflict from getting worse.
Apologize: Say “I m sorry” if you did something wrong. If you did nothing wrong, you may say, “I’m sorry we’re having this conflict”.
Compromise: Sometimes both sides can give a little and meet in the middle.
Chance: Flip a coin, draw straws, or any other such luck device.
Humor: Never laugh at someone, but you may laugh at a conflict if it is no big deal.
Share: Find a way for all to use or enjoy together.
Take Turns: Allow each to have a turn in order to be a pan and enjoy.
Negotiate: Problem-solving by thinking of all the possible choices and deciding on one upon which both people can agree.
Talk it Out: Have a “heart to heart” chat where feelings are discussed in a caring way.
Get Help: If a conflict is escalating, it is sometimes necessary to seek the help of an adult.
Five Strategies for Managing Conflicts:
Conflicts always occur, and you can profit from them if you have the necessary skills. It is important, therefore, that you master the skills necessary for resolving conflicts constructively. The first step for doing so is to become more aware of your most frequently used strategies for managing conflicts. Different people use different strategies for managing conflicts. Usually we are not aware of how we act in conflict situations. We just do whatever seems to come naturally. But we do have a personal strategy, and because it is learnt, we can always change it by learning new and more effective ways of managing conflicts.
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Strategies 1:
The turtle (withdrawing), Turtles withdraw into their shells to avoid conflicts. This type of people will give up to their personal goals and relationships. They stay away from the issues over which the conflict is taking place and from the people they are in conflict with. Turtles believe it is hopeless to try to resolve conficts. They feels helpless. They believe it is easier to withdraw from a conflict than to fact it.
Strategies 2:
The Shark (forcing), Sharks try to overpower opponents by forcing them to accept their solution to the conflict. Their goals are highly important to them, and the relationship is of minor importance. They do not care if other people like or accept them. Sharks assume that conflicts are settled by one person winning and one person losing. They want to be the winner. Winning gives sharks a sense of pride and achievement. Losing gives them a sense of weakness, inadequancy and failure. They try to win by attacking, overpowering, overwhelming and intimidating other people.
Strategies 3:
The Teddy Bear (Smoothing). To Teddy Bears, the relationship is of great importance, while their own goals are of little importance. Teddy Bears want to be accepted and liked by other people. People may think that conflict should be avoided in favor of harmony and believe that conflicts cannot discussed without damaging relationships. They are afraid that if the conflict continues, someone will hurt and that would ruin the relationship. They give up their goals to preserve the relationship. Teddy Bears say,” I’ll give up my goals, and let you have what you want, in order for you to like me.” Teddy Bears try to smooth over the conflict in fear of harming the relationship.
Strategies 4:
The Fox (Compromising). Foxes are moderately concerned with their own goals and about their relationships with other people. Foxes seek a compromise. They give up part of their goals and persuade the other person in a conflict to give up part of his goals. They seek a solution to conflicts where both sides again something-the middle ground between two extreme positions. They are willing to sacrifice part of their goals and relationships in order to find agreement for the common good.
Strategies 5:
The Owl (Confronting). Owls highly value their own goals and relationships. This type of audience view conflicts as problems to be solved and seek a solution that achieves both their own goals and the goals of the other person in the conflict. Owls see conflicts as improving relationships y reducing tension between two people. They try to begin a discussion that identifies that the conflicts as a problem. By seeking solutions that satisfy both themselves and the other person, owls maintain the relationship.
Tactics of Conflict Management:
- Tell yourself it is all right to be lose and that even the best of us are wrong the some times, infact, many times. Learn to “listen” and not just lend an ear. Put aside what you want to say and listen.
- You need to speak up and state your points and concerns assertively- not aggressively. There is no national heroism award for constant withdrawing and giving in. “Yielding” is unproductive and eventually harmful to you and to the relationship.
- Look for common grounds. We often are too quick to assume that a disagreement has no possible matually acceptable solution. Of course, all this takes a lot to effort and a deep commitment to change and face the challenge, together with the other person involved in the dispute.
It seems so much easier to continue as usual-fight, withdraw or give in. But then would not be evolving, would you? The idea is to live and learn, and learn and grow!
